Si asa a inceput cearta 1


Nevasta-mea statea linga mine pe canapea, in timp ce eu zapaceam canalele.
M-a intrebat:
„Ce mai e pe televizor?”
I-am raspuns:
„Praf”…

…si atunci a inceput cearta!
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Nevasta-mea tot incerca sa-mi sugereze ce-si doreste pentru urmatoarea aniversare.
Mi-a spus:
„Vreau ceva stralucitor, ce ajunge de la 0 la 100 in trei secunde.”
I-am daruit un cintar

…si atunci a inceput cearta!

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Cind am ajuns aseara acasa, nevasta-mea mi-a cerut sa o duc intr-un loc scump.
Am dus-o la o benzinarie…

…si atunci a inceput cearta!

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Cind m-am pensionat, m-am dus la Oficiul de Asistenta Sociala sa ma inregistrez.
Tipa din spatele biroului mi-a cerut buletinul, sa-mi verifice virsta. Il uitasem acasa.
I-am cerut scuze, i-am spus ca ma duc acasa sa-l iau si ma intorc. A fost foarte draguta: „Nu va mai deranjati,
descheiati-va la camasa.”
Parul carunt de pe pieptul meu a convins-o si mi-a inregistrat solicitarea.
Incintat de solicitudinea ei, cind am ajuns acasa i-am povestit nevesti-mii.
Ea a spus:
„Trebuia sa-ti scoti si pantalonii, poate primeai si ajutor pentru dizabilitati”…
…si atunci a inceput cearta!

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Stateam alaturi de nevasta-mea la intilnirea de 30 de ani de la terminarea liceului si ma tot uitam la o tipa bine,
dar complet turta, ce-si legana nostalgic intre doua degete paharul, singura la o masa de alaturi.
Nevasta-mea m-a intrebat: „O cunosti?”
„Sigur”, am oftat, „e prima mea prietena din liceu. Am inteles ca s-a apucat de baut imediat dupa ce ne-am despartit,
si de-atunci n-a mai fost treaza.”
„Dumnezeule!” a spus nevasta-mea. „Cine s-ar fi gindit ca o persoana poate sarbatori atita timp?”…

…si atunci a inceput cearta!
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Am scos-o pe nevasta-mea la un restaurant.
S-a intimplat ca ospatarul sa ia mai intii comanda mea.
„Un cotlet mare de vita in singe pe gratar.”
M-a intrebat:
„Nu va pasa de vaca nebuna?”
„Nu.”, am raspuns. „Poate comanda si singura”…

…si atunci a inceput cearta!

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Nevasta-mea statea goala si se privea in oglinda din dormitor.
Nu se prea bucura de ce vedea si mi-a spus:
„Ma simt oribil! Atit de grasa si de batrina! Am nevoie de un compliment!”
I-am raspuns:
„Vederea ti-a ramas perfecta”…

…si atunci a inceput cearta!

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Nevasta-mea s-a dus la supermarket.
Am rugat-o sa ia si-un bax de Tuborg, de 18 lei.
A cumparat in schimb o cutie de L’Oreal DermaGenese de 24 de lei.
I-am spus ca berea ar fi ajutat-o sa arate mai bine in noaptea aia decit crema …

…si atunci a inceput cearta!

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Nevasta-mea m-a intrebat daca rochia ii face fundul mare.
I-am spus ca nu asa de mare ca rochia de ieri ….

…si atunci a inceput cearta!

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Simbata dimineata m-am strecurat usor din asternut, mi-am facut pachetul si am coborit pe tacute in garaj.
Am legat barca la cirlig si am inceput sa dau cu spatele.
Abia cind am iesit cu totul din garaj am realizat ca ploua cu galeata si vintul batea cu 100 km/h .
Am deschis radioul si am aflat ca vremea avea sa fie la fel toata ziua.
Am tras inapoi in garaj si, tiptil, m-am dus inapoi in dormitor.
M-am strecurat la loc linga nevasta-mea si i-am soptit: „E o vreme groaznica afara.”
Pe jumatate inca adormita, ea a raspuns:
„Iti poti imagina ca prostul de barbatu-meu s-a dus la pescuit pe asa o vreme?”…

…si atunci a inceput cearta!

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Am intrebat-o pe nevasta-mea unde ar vrea sa mergem pentru aniversarea casatoriei noastre.
Mi s-a incalzit inima cind am vazut-o topindu-se de bucurie.
„Undeva unde n-am mai fost de mult timp…” a spus ea, nehotarita.
Asa ca i-am sugerat: „Ce parere ai de bucatarie?”…

…si atunci a inceput cearta!

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Urmaream in pat, linga nevasta-mea, „Vrei sa fii miliardar?”
M-am intors catre ea si am intrebat-o: „Vrei sa facem dragoste?”
„Nu”, mi-a raspuns ea.
„Asta e raspunsul tau final?”, am intrebat-o.
De data asta nici nu m-a privit cind mi-a raspuns ca da.
Asa ca am spus:
„Atunci as vrea sa sun o prietena”…

…si atunci a inceput cearta!

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